The Wisdom of My Redemption
by Dynamojacks
Summary: It takes bravery to confront others, but it takes honour to confront yourself. And sometimes it takes the one you have wronged to make you stare your evils in the face. POV Zuko, set during the Western Air Temple episode. Implied Zutara. (I can't even with the title. Can't think of anything lol)


**A/N**: This isn't the first time I've ever written, but it is the first time I've plucked up any balls to post on here. Plus I just really love Zuko, so this had to be done eventually.

It is basically an imagining of the thought process when he gets to the Western Air Temple as a monologue of sorts. It's before he appeals to the Gaang, and the realisation of his drive to better himself when faced with the wrongs he's wrought. Which has quite a bit to do with Katara, I should point out, so imagine this going Zutara-ways eventually.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Avatar the Last Airbender and the characters herein are products of Bryan Konietzko and Michael DiMartino.

* * *

_**It takes bravery to confront others, but it takes honour to confront yourself.**_

* * *

After facing my father, I set out on pursuit of Avatar Aang's sky bison in one of the Fire Nation's war balloons. I'm heading towards the Western Air Temple, the first place I had seen after my banishment from the Fire Nation. Back then, it was the one place I thought I might just find him, if by sheer luck.

As luck would have it, it so happens to be the place he's heading to now.

Luck is not something that comes to me very often, and I'd grown to expect as much. Yet I allowed the faintest of hope to guide me anyway; however foolish it was, it was the only thing I had. I was banished by my own father. Burned by his hand. Sent away like the soldiers I had tried in vain to protect. How naiive of me. To him, I was just another solider, maybe even less than that. I had to prove him wrong. I couldn't just beg him to see me. That never proved anything other than how pathetic I was.

Now I know there's nothing I can prove to him. But that's only because I realise I don't want what he's offering in return, Fire Prince or not. I think I _made that perfectly clear_ when I shot that lightning back at him- the lightning he used to try and kill me.

I find a patch of forest to land my war balloon, and set up a tent of sorts with it. The tent is little more than a shade in the forest clearing, but it would have to do for now. It seems I had got ahead of the group, so I move to check the place out a little more before they arrive.

I descend on some rope by what appears to be a monk's statue. I turn to survey the area, and feel something creep up at the back of my mind. This place is familiar to me.. no, it's the first place I saw outside of the Fire Nation. Letting go of the rope, I straighten up, close my eyes and take a moment to reflect on the last time I stood here.

_A fugitive I was then, chasing down the Avatar._

I remember being here when I was thirteen, freshly bandaged from the searing agony my father had burned on me. I had taken this quest because I thought it was the only chance I had of attaining honour. And if my father told me it was the right thing to do, then.. I couldn't really question it. My throne was at stake. Neither me nor my uncle had any right questioning it, that's what I thought then. My uncle of course had tried to advise me, advising me to not act against my best interests. But my orders didn't come from my uncle- he was supposed to be there to help me. My life had no other purpose but to be an exiled prince on a never-ending hunt, so I needed him to help me on that at least. It gave me something to hang on to. It gave me hope that I might not be stripped of the title completely.

I thought_ that_ was in my best interests.

But it was hopeless, really. Both my grandfather and great-grandfather had chased down this illusive Avatar to no avail. It was a hundred years since he disappeared, and there was still no sign, not even one. How could my father have expected me to find him anyway?

Looking back at it, I don't think he ever did.

And that wasn't all. My uncle only wanted to look out for me. To love me the way my father never did. My father, he didn't care about my destiny as long as I was out of his way. He even went along with a plan to kill me. And I told my uncle.. I told him he was lazy, just for wanting me to take time to care for myself. _If only I had believed you, uncle._ It's taken me years of going around in circles because I was too stubborn to allow myself to heal. And look where it's got me- three years of internalised hatred and anger, all for want of this so-called 'honour'. Look where it's got me, betraying the only family who ever loved me for the ones who never did. And to top it all off, all of this has been blinding me to one crucial fact:

I never even wanted anything with the Avatar to begin with.

___A fugitive I am now, and I'm still chasing down the Avatar. But for decidedly different reasons._

I pinch the bridge of my nose with a heavy sigh. I'm all on my own here now, and this fool's errand shall come to an end. I'm not the helpless little boy I was when my father burned my face and discarded me like a piece of meat. I'm not the arrogant teenager I was when I was mercilessly hunting down what turned out to be a mere child, with a burden of his own he had to fulfill. The one whose burden I wish to help with, for the good of the world. I just hope I could tell everybody that. I hope they will believe me.

More than anything, I hope I could tell my uncle that he was_ right._

Suddenly a swooping noise overhead snaps me back to the present. I have to high-tail it out of here before anyone sees me. It would be bad, really bad, if I was caught now. I have to make preparations first. Yes, preparations to speak. I need to speak to them, and to not botch it up, no matter what.

Knowing me, that's going to warrant a whole Agni-damned lot of preparation.

* * *

_**And sometimes, it takes the one you have wronged to make you stare your evil in the face.**_

* * *

"I won't let you down. I promise."

I promised them all this with a fervour. I especially promised Katara. That look in her eyes.. I won't deny I felt scared facing her. But if even she accepts me.. then maybe..

The group turns away, and I follow them in.

There's nothing more to say at the moment, but that's all right. I've done plenty of talking. I failed the first time, but it should be okay now, since I saved them from being attacked by Derek. I thought I was going to be turned away again. I couldn't bear the thought- a fugitive yet again, but this time without a solitary soul on my side. At least nobody I could have a place with any more.

I really wanted to make a new start. I feel like I deserve that much, after all that's happened. So I have a feeling that things are going to be all right now.

Sokka leads me into the room I'll be staying in. "So, here you go, home sweet home, I guess, you know, for now." He wavers a little. "Unpack? Lunch, soon? Uhhh... welcome aboard?"

Sounds good to me. He needn't be so nervous; I'm not exactly hard to accommodate, even if I am a Prince. I give him a courteous nod, and he leaves.

I can't help but get myself settled down now that I'm inside. Removing the portrait of my uncle, the memory of the temple flashes up again. Only this time, my uncle's voice registers last. It's like it is something that's meant to last.

_He told me that if I kept an open mind, and an open heart, I would find my own destiny someday._

Well, it looks like you were right after all. I've seen it for myself- I made it here, and by myself no less. I know I can make good this time.

Suddenly I feel the presence of another person in my room. I turn to look- it's Katara. A smile creeps up on my face- I'm thinking.. maybe... there's something to discuss. She's coming for me personally. Maybe this is a good time to talk. She looks unhappy, though... really unhappy. And then when I rise, when I think I could work things out with her, my skin starts to crawl at the icy tone of the words coming from her mouth.

"You might have everyone else here buying your... 'transformation'" a word she laces with unmistakable malice. "But you and I both know you've struggled with doing the right thing in the past."

She's.. right. I can't deny that. I can't even dispute it. As she approaches, she levels me with this vicious stare which has me rooted to the floor. Her voice isn't even loud- it's so quiet. Quiet, yet unwavering, white hot rage, the like of which I've never seen before. Frankly, it's terrifying.

"So let me tell you something right now. You make one step backwards, one slip up, give me one reason to think that you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny any more."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I thought I'd made myself perfectly clear what I want with Aang now. I want to speak, but I'm frozen. I want her to talk to me, to tell me what she wants, but I also want to tell her. Tell her she won't need to worry any more. Because I'll make sur-

"Because I'll make sure that your destiny ends."

-that whatever happened before won't happen again, because-

"Right then and there."

Because I really have cha-

"**Permanently**."

That last word comes out in almost a hiss. With that, Katara turns her back on me, and walks out of the room. The door slams shut.

I couldn't bring myself to do anything except stare. My mind suddenly feels like a vacuum, devoid of any thought. Moments pass in a thick, suffocating silence. I can barely register the word echoing permanently in my head, as if bouncing off the walls of the empty room. 'Permanently'.

_Permanently._

Suddenly, all of those supposedly banished thoughts were thrown into sharp relief. A chill rises up my spine and sends my head into a spin, bringing me to my knees. I feel like I'm going to be sick- my mouth is dry, I'm heaving gasps and my temples are pounding like crazy. My thoughts are flying through me every which way, making it a struggle to even focus on a single one. When I finally do, and my mind slows down enough, I'm trembling with terror at the realisation that dawns on me.

If.. if I mess something up, even once, Katara.. _She's going to kill me_. The only way from here is forward, or dead._ I don't have any more chances._ This is it. I really do have to stake my life on this. Every breath, every thought. The thing is, I thought I knew that. I knew.. but I wasn't expecting.. I wasn't expecting.. Is this what it's like to face your evils? To be confronted with the things that you can never undo? Knowing all the things you've done wrong.. knowing you can't right them? _And knowing that, just like the scar that marks you, they too can't ever be erased?_

My body is shaking as if Katara just doused me with water all over again.

Before I can let the feeling overwhelm me, I close my eyes and swallow hard, regaining composure, contemplating the situation. It takes a good few minutes to stop my body shivering and my stomach from churning. But no matter how frosty things are, no matter how much she hates me for all that has happened, it's for the best that she faced me. I'm much more aware of myself. And I still have a chance to prove myself. Sometimes, that has to be enough.

"It's not going to be over just yet."

I'm speaking to nobody in particular, but the words are just spilling out of my mouth of their own accord. I don't have any reason to stop.

"I promise.. I promise I will do this. For my uncle. For Aang. For the world. For-"

A flash of something brilliantly green burns into the back of my eyes- a vast sheet of green light, with flecks of something white I can't quite place. Something that looks like icicles and gemstones. Crystals. Brilliant yet faint, burning into my eyeballs, a memory with no voice, no words. A mere flicker. No meaning that I can understand. But then seeing that image seems to cause my face to heat up, bristling with something indescribable. Instinctively, I raise a hand to brush the scar on my face, as if recalling a sensation with this image. That's when I see someone flicker in front of me, feeling a gentle hand touch my scar. Katara's hand.

_Maybe you could be free of it, she said._

It's enough- my resolve is on fire. I may never be free of my scar, but I sure as hell won't let my past excuse what I've done to Katara; the one I thought I would never trust, the one I thought would never trust me, the one who did, for a moment, trust me. The only one besides my uncle I've really opened up to for years. I have to show her what that meant to me, even it it kills me. I open my eyes, straighten up and stare at the doorway.

There's nothing worth 'stepping backwards' to now.

"For you."

* * *

**A/N:** I was trying to describe something known as a 'flashbulb memory', something I believe Zuko had in The Beach when he yelled about being angry with himself. It popped up again here when he was reeling from Katara's threat. I thought it was that- from her confrontation- which gave him the final push to truly begin redemption internally and humble himself. I hope this doesn't contradict any of that 'inner fire' stuff in the next episode. Oh boy. The idea is that he's firmly in place on the right side now, even if he's not quite fired up next episode. He seems to have 'calmed down' and that's the problem. I guess here, it's more about inner resolve than inner fire.

Now technically he doesn't actually see her _touching_ his scar, but he does see her in front of him when she reaches to touch it. The whole scene essentially contributes to this memory anyway.

This might appear to contradict The Southern Raiders a little, but I'm sure he_ is_ perfectly aware of what he's done without Katara telling him- it's just that he thinks, by that time, he's atoned for everything when she's still badly hurt not only by Ba Sing Se, but by the Fire Nation as a whole, so it's no longer about just him. Because he doesn't appear shocked or surprised, but distraught when she tells him, and asks what he CAN do to atone for his guilt.

Also, Derek is Combustion Man's name, Y/N? I thought I read somewhere that it was.

That'll do for now. Until next time, which is... IDK, whenever. R&R?


End file.
